And I Would Walk 1,146 Miles

Be Strong. Be Brave. Be You. Those were words that sprung from my mouth two nights before my first born’s first day of kindergarten and one night before I left 1,146 miles to start my Radiation treatment. Funny how the world works. We were both starting a whole new journey 1,146 miles apart.

 

As parents, moms specifically, I do believe that going to Kindergarten is much more emotional for us than the actual child. (Right?) I, like most other parents, spent the week before school running around town checking off my list of things to do like haircuts, physical exams, eyeglasses, uniforms, backpacks blah blah blah….you all know the routine here. All of this running and doing and just two weeks out of my final chemotherapy while getting ready to board a flight 1,146 miles away into a new city and state to complete treatment after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It has been extremely tiring, but like anything else, I got it done.

 

Besides preparing materials for school, I was also handling her innocent questions late at night when we laid together. I could not help but think, wow – I mean, how relatable are these questions for me as I head into a new place, new people and new treatment at MD Anderson. I would calm her little fearful questions and think silent to myself….

Are you really five years old? Because I’m 34 and I worry about this too!

Here are just a few of her questions:

  • “I won’t have anyone in my family with me all day”
  • “Will new people be nice to me?”
  • “What If I am sad will I have anyone to talk too?”
  • “I am going into a new big building that I don’t know anyone”

I had never thought in my wildest dreams that I would miss my sweet little girls first day of kindergarten and I sit here writing this – tears stream down my face just thinking of her going off on her own. I know thanks to technology we have FaceTime, but it is just not the same when dealing with a five year old. I can’t look at her expression and take in the stories over the course of the night that she would share.

 

Hey moms! The do list for Kindergarten is a full time job – I mean …

  • writing journals to my kids with entries of messages so they know I’m there
  • lunch notes for 7 weeks
  • Putting outfits aside to help my husband
  • Taking books out from the library on all things kindergarten a month in advance to help and bond with my daughter about this experience
  • Teacher gifts because they are so special and make our children’s hearts and minds grow everyday

I did as much as I could and then told myself….

“ YOU DID WHAT YOU COULD DO…and NOW IT’S TIME TO – LET THAT SH*T GO.”

 

No not like Elsa’s Frozen song, “Let It Go”, but really let it go. You can’t do and be everything or everywhere. One thing I have learned since being diagnosed is to focus on is my energy. Your mind, body and soul can do amazing things when you surround yourself with the right energy. I truly think by focusing more on my people and events that raise my energy levels this has allowed me to heal thus far.

I couldn’t be happier for the smart, strong, brave girl that is now an official kindergartener – and do all you mamas and papas out there that struggled with their lists – you did it! Another year, another grade, and another milestone in this crazy ride called life! Now go grab your glass of wine! Or filtered water;)

I’ll be grabbing my post radiation aquaphor and cozy t shirt too…

2 thoughts on “And I Would Walk 1,146 Miles”

  1. Tara, Just amazing! You let everything come directly from your heart 💕💕 . Can’t thank you enough for sharing this journey that you are on. It reminds each of us exactly what is really important in life and to really sit back and prioritize things.
    Just remember, even tho you are miles and miles away, you are not “alone” and if ever you just want a shoulder to lean on no matter what time of the day…. I am ALWAYS here💕💕

  2. T
    You are right..you did all you could do for Liv, but you must focus on you and the conclusion of your treatment. Missing her first day of kindergarten may be tough, but watching her graduate from high school is your true goal!
    Take care, do what you got to do, and get back home all healed and ready to live the rest of your life!!
    Loveya
    Mel

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