Instead of preparing for my daughters birthday. I am prepping for chemotherapy

Today is my daughters 4th birthday and this morning and today I’ll miss the traditions that I started the day I became a mom. Instead of preparing for the birthday princess today I am prepping for chemotherapy.

My daughter FaceTime’s me at 7am sharp and I quickly put my happy face singing voice on to sing Happy Birthday to her. It was all smiles until she realized I was not there and started the lip quiver and hysterical crying. Well if that didn’t just hit my heart with a nice big sting.

Because you of you Cancer I’m a little sad today that I can’t be with my little girl on her birthday even though I know how special it is that my daughter is spending time with her grandparents in a different state. I get all that. Trust me . I really do.

What has this diagnosis done to my little four year old blessing?

• It has literally made so many families fall in love with my sweet Savannah girl. To those families thank you in sharing in the tremendous amount of love I have for this special child and taking her like your own on days I have no strength.
• It has taught her to get herself dressed,  how to do laundry and if something spills or falls she is the first to jump off her chair to help me pick it all up
• It has given her the independence to do things around this house without asking for help
• It has taught her how to shower independently as soon as she gets home so mommy doesn’t get any germs
• It has shown her that her mom is a “Badass” and that she can only say “Badass” at home thanks to this little token from our dear friend Melanie

She has also mastered the perfect way to hug me with expanders in my chest. She has learned to be gentle even though she wants to jump on me. She taught herself how to apply the right amount of pressure and still be able to lay across my body so my port is not hurting either of us. She is kind and more compassionate than I could have ever dreamed of.

She gives me the confidence every single day that “Bald is Beautiful” and little Savannah asks me every single night, “what’s your favorite part of the day mama?” Followed by her taking my fleece beanie hats that I sleep with off and giving me bald head the sweetest kiss in the entire world.

So while I am not with my baby girl today. I know how fortunate and truly lucky I am that g_d blessed me with her. I never knew I would have children so close in age. I struggled emotionally with the fact that I got pregnant so quickly and unexpectedly. Even with those dark days, I know now that g_d had a plan for me because just 4 years later, having children would not have been an option because of a cancer diagnosis. I am quickly reminded because of you cancer to be more than grateful for this blessing of motherhood but more than that the blessing of LIFE.

Thank you for “letting me get these off my chest” and following my journey.

“There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children… What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply” – Elder M. Russell Ballard