New year 2019.
I’ll leave out the happy since you Cancer have found another way to bring me to an entire new level.
As many of you know I had my reconstruction breast surgery 11/15/18.
Well the truth is cancer is never over.
Over the past 7 weeks I have had 3 major surgeries and have been additionally cut open in my surgeons office twice for my breast reconstruction. I will save all the details to myself and to any pink sister that reached out for help that may be in this situation in regards to breast reconstruction when it is the right time.
For the rest of my supporters and community, family and friends I will spare you the details that have left me at this time a bit traumatized to say the least. Emotions and Experience at this time I am still processing.
But I feel so strongly is sharing this last message
Since this surgery on 11/15/18 I knew something in my gut was telling me something is not right. I tried my best to reach out to doctors for support. My support group girls. A breast cancer dinner group I am in. A friends husband in the medical field . A friend who sells mastectomy bras and fellow advocate. Everyone I was turning to was silent or just didn’t know. Was it the holiday time of year? Did people just not know? Have people just had enough for one year? I know this year and journey has been anything but easy for everyone on so many levels. I’ll never know but the silent factor was not going to keep me down. Not sharing for a pity party either.
I am sharing because speaking your truth is hard. Really f*ng hard. Life is not all the roses and pure fun Facebook makes it out to be. It can make your mind feel insane. It can make you vulnerable and make you feel so alone in this world which is so unfair! I understand no one has answers. Every situation is unique. The feedback given was still not enough. Words were not settling my gut instinct. I felt alone but my GUT said to fight.
I started feeling for the first time on my journey a little crazy. Mentally crazy on a new level. Frustrated, mad, pain that was not tolerable.Just not myself. It was like in my head I was doing a plea for help that no one could offer because how would one even know?
As new pink warriors contacting me through my blog and network I was doing what I am passionate about. I was helping them through their journey, but here I am bleeding for help and no one was answering me.
I was not accepting NO. I was not letting this go. I knew something was wrong. I went on Monday 11/31/18 to my local routine visit. As my mind was playing tricks with me because it was New Years Eve. With my two daughters in hand because holiday vacation is never ending. I wanted to stand in the lobby and scream who here can HELPPPP ME!!!!! I wanted to cry, scream and stamp my feet, however I had my two little girls I needed to set the example for them so none of that happened and how really would that even help?
I did my usual pop in with the kids to the chemo infusion room that day to give my chemo angel and nurse a NYE hug and wish her the best wishes. I shared briefly about my pain and she reminded me what I know to be so true.
Listen to your gut. I don’t care if it is New Years Eve . Go home and call your doctor !!!
So off with went with my daughters home. I set them up with an activity and was calling and texting my doctor who was closed for the holiday now.
I waited 17 hours with little to no sleep and was in the OR this morning January 3,2019 at 6 am undergoing major surgery yet again. Numb, the smell of the hospital hallways, one restricted arm, sharing tears with the nurses who seem more like family these days and staff that prayed as soon as they saw me, and veins that have had it.
Please keep me in your continued prayers at this time. Please pray for a smooth recovery because I need all the prayers I can get. In true warrior fashion I will get through this. I have too much to live for.
So I’ll leave the happy out of this 2019 new year and I’ll insert Healthy New Year.
Again, please and kindly refrain from asking me and my family at this time for any specific details. Know that I am home from hospital today and on a 4-6 week recovery plan at this time. I am deeply appreciative of all the prayers we can get at this time.
ME Tara 2.0
IN 2019 I HOPE YOU SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. BE KIND. DO GOOD FOR OTHERS. PAY IT FORWARD. LIVE IN THE PRESENT. I HOPE YOU GET RICH IN POSITIVE, STRENGTH AND REMEMBER WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE. IN THIS EXACT MOMENT SOMEONE IS FIGHTING FOR A LIFE TO LIVE.